I just got off the phone with a friend. We had spoken for an hour, and as it reached that hour, he brought up the last time I had seen him.
This friend, you see, is a friend who I had really given my heart to, one of those friends who you really truly wish for only their welfare and happiness, someone who you know you can trust in any and all circumstances, and who, if you knew or felt they were in any kind of hardship, you would immediately drop what you were doing and do whatever you could to help him - you wouldn't calculate the extent to which you had helped him nor counted how many times you had helped him, but only remember that you were there for each other when needed.
When I make friends, I have a bad subconscious habit of wanting to give give give, yet close off my own emotions and create a barrier in which people cannot cross or get to know my feelings. Heck, even I can't really tap into the cathartic states of being, supressing what I do not know even exists. And when I give, I usually dont do it while measuring the worth of each act and deed, but do it because of the rewards I receive in giving the help; the rewards of seeing another happy, which genuinely, brings out a joy in me as well.
damnit. if i keep writing, i wont know where to stop.
