what the f*ck.

you let someone borrow something valuable because she beg and plead

weeks later when you ask for it back, she says she threw it away

(knowingly)

and

says (reluctantly) that she's sorry.

so thoroughly pissed.

6am

midnight - 6 am - noon - 6 pm - midnight

having graduated in june, I was scared yet excited about what 'real life' would throw at me; three months after graduation, I sit and contemplate my life: where I've come from, where I am now, where I will go.

in looking at the broad scope of things, I became discouraged at where I am standing - call it 'quarter life crisis'. But, I began to look at my lifetime in reference to a clock.

a quarter of a day: it's 6am.

As dawn breaks and sunlight starts to brighten the sky from the eastern horizon, I get out of bed and begin to move my body, hustlin' and bustlin' around the house waking myself up and preparing for the day that is about the begin. As hour passes by hour, the course of the day becomes more exciting, full of activity, busy busy. As the day draws toward noon, life would slow down a bit, and I would take my lunch break, my mid-life (hopefully) reflection (and not crisis). At 6 pm, I'd retire home, and the remaining quarter of the day, I would spend in reflection, peace and rest... pretty much.

Life right now is so un-spectacular, so boring, but I've just gotten out of bed. I need to start waking up, brushing my teeth, getting dressed, eating breakfast. Proper preparation is crucial.

So I start.
Gotta get rid of my laziness, this stagnant lifestyle.
exercise. read. educate. pray.

It's getting bright outside

clash

the most intense battle between optimism and pessimism taking place in my head right now.

where i'm going, what i'm doing... reality vs. faith

with a rental car...

I dozed off while driving on the freeway tonight.
I must have been going well over 80mph when I opened my eyes to see a car just inches in front of me.
I stepped on the brakes and turned the wheel in an attempt to avoid a clash,
and then it was all a blur.
For some reason, my vision became blurred and my mind only half-conscious of my actions.
My car turned in circles and swerved all over the entire 5 lanes of the freeway, as I saw flashes of light coming my way. I felt my arms go limp, but my hands moving the wheels this and that way, and without thought, I felt myself slowly braking and releasing, braking and releasing.
I counted my car turn eight complete times, the sound of tires screeching against the pavement.
But somehow, every car that came close disappeared, somehow, I was physically turning the wheel and braking, yet there was no tension in my arms or legs; my state of mind as though I was seeing things through blurred lenses - as though my eylids were open and my sense of vision was left on while my brain comatose.
The car came to a stop amidst the smell of burning rubber.
I had stopped parallel the way of traffic, the sound of speeding cars passing bringing home the reality of the danger I had experienced and the miracle that had manifested. I was stopped off the road, on an island part of pavement between the splitting off of two freeways.

My life had flashed before my eyes, and I had watched it happen as though through the lenses of a third party. I had felt disconnected, and had had a certain calmness overtaking me. I had seen my hands move and my feet step, yet I had felt as though I was watching them through fogged up glass.

Divine intervention? I think not; I know so.

Praise the LORD.
I'm alive and well, His spirit lives within me.